“Cheer up.”… “Don’t worry.”… “Don’t dwell on it.”… “Look at the bright side.”
We have all heard those well-meaning phrases geared towards bringing us up when we are feeling down, but what if “feeling down” is valuable?
Both physical and emotional pain can benefit us and help us get our life back on track. In The Art of Happiness by His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D., they first explain the difference between pain (physiological process) and suffering (our mental and emotional response to the pain.) They then pose the questions: “Can finding an underlying purpose and meaning behind our pain modify our attitude about it?” and, “Can a change in attitude lessen the degree to which we suffer when we are physically injured?” To provide insight on this topic they reference the book Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants, by Dr. Paul Brand. This book explores the purpose and value of human pain. Dr. Paul Brand spent his life working with patients with leprosy. While in India, he discovered that the disfigurements of the leprosy patients’ bodies were not due to the disease itself but rather the loss of pain sensation in their limbs. Without pain, these patients did not have a warning system to protect them from tissue damage. Brand saw patients reach into fire with their bare hands, or run around on limbs that had bones exposed. He started viewing pain as, “a remarkable, elegant, and sophisticated biological system, that warns us of damage to our body and thus protects us.” Brand suggests that all people imagine what their lives would be like without the protective pain sensation mechanisms. He says this is much easier to do before pain strikes, because pain can “demolish objectivity”. He believes that going through this exercise a few times can change a person’s attitude about pain and then later reduce their suffering. When pain signals are sent to our brain we assign value, meaning, and intensity to it. Therefore, we convert pain into suffering in the mind. Brand worded it this way, “ There is a crucial distinction between the pain of pain and the pain we create by our thoughts about the pain.”
If we take this a step further and apply it to emotional pain, we understand that our negative feelings are warning signs to us. They are critical to our survival and well being and should receive our attention. Our bad feelings warn us that we are spending time with the wrong people, in an unfitting career, in a location that doesn’t match our interests, etc. It is first a good idea to try to change your mindset and try to focus on all of the positive aspects of what you have. Yet, there comes a time when you start feeling those negative feelings despite putting a lot of effort into thinking positively. That might be sign that it is time to make a change. Here is the thing though…a lot of people wait too long, until the situation is beyond repair. “Staying positive” can get exhausting if in the back of your mind you know that you will forever be combating negative emotions. Embrace those negative emotions, thank them for protecting you, then use them to make the situation better. Living life deliberately involves learning how to leverage your pain and use it your advantage.
Our Commit to Thrive program will help you sort through your feelings to know if they are true warning signs that a change must be made.
